


Take My Breath

by Raepocalypse



Category: GOT7
Genre: First Kiss, Fluff, I absolutely make the rules and I am not sorry, M/M, Multi, Self-Indulgent, no beta reader we die like men, rated for language no one gets spicy, yugyeom struggles a little with being polyam and confused but it's fine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-15
Updated: 2019-03-15
Packaged: 2019-11-18 13:40:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,193
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18121694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Raepocalypse/pseuds/Raepocalypse
Summary: Every boyfriend steals his breath the first time they kiss him.





	Take My Breath

**Author's Note:**

> Once again, this is the product of me just trying to drag myself out of a funk. Here it is! It's not much but it sure is here!! I'm not tagging the other couples bc i would be annoyed if expected them to be bigger here and they weren't, but I hope yall find and like this anyway. 
> 
> What's with me and kisses? Idk don't question it.

1.

Yugyeom is just a baby. Well, he’s not a baby, because being sixteen is hardly a  _ baby,  _ but they’ve only just debuted and he still looks kind of like a baby. With round, chubby cheeks and soft features and fashionably regrettable hair like the rest of their members. He still thinks they all look  _ very _ cool, but that doesn’t mean they do. 

Anyway, he’s still a baby, but he doesn’t look like as much of one as Bambam and maybe that’s why he worries he’ll be forgotten. Not only is he the youngest in the group, but he doesn’t  _ look _ like the youngest. He’s gotten over a lot of the jealousy, the worry, but certainly not all of it. He fears he may never get over all of it. What he has gotten over, though, is how he and Bambam used to fight. They’re done with that now. Now, they’re best friends and he can’t imagine being closer to anyone else. 

It’s a fan that makes him think of it, because of course it is. It’s a fan who has a sign that says  _ Kiss me Yugyeom-oppa _ and it’s not that he hasn’t thought about kissing someone before, but this is perhaps the first time the part of their contract that tells them they  _ can’t _ do it has really hit him. He was young when he signed it away and he hadn’t kissed anyone yet and suddenly, he’s afraid it’s somehow too late. 

The sign sticks with him on the ride home, while Youngjae sleeps on his shoulder. It sticks with him through dinner, while Jaebeom insists everyone eat vegetables or else. It sticks with him when he tries to sit down and watch a drama. Really, that just exacerbates the problem, because they reach a kissing scene and he pauses it, stares at the screen of his phone and sort of zones out. 

That’s how Bambam finds him later, but he doesn’t know how much longer later. Two minutes? Five? Probably not longer. 

“What are you doing?” he asks, in Korean that’s heavily accented but still laced with curiosity. 

In lieu of an answer, Yugyeom locks his phone and looks at his best friend. “Have you ever kissed somebody?” he asks. 

Bambam’s brows shoot up and he gets a look on his face, the one that he gets when he’s not sure he’s understanding what’s been said. “Kiss?” he asks. “Like-?” He puckers his lips, makes a kissing noise. When Yugyeom nods, face flushing a little, he hesitates again. “Uh… yeah. I did kiss somebody one time.”

Yugyeom sits up abruptly. Bambam is barely older than him, has been a trainee for about as long. Something in his chest bubbles up, something ugly that he thought he was rid of. Was it because of how he looked? He was over this, he’s  _ sure _ he was over this. Still, the ugly resentment of how cute and sweet-faced Bambam is finds it’s way back. 

It fizzles out again when he speaks. “Jackson, when we were trainees. I told him I was scared because, you know… I don’t… speak Korean really well yet, and I thought maybe I never would and I would never look cool like you, I’ll always be cute, you know? So I asked him to.”

For a moment, Yugyeom is silent, thinking that over. Is that something you can do? Just  _ ask _ for a first kiss? Not to mention, he has to process Bambam of all people being someone no one would want to kiss. Preposterous. 

“What about you?” The soft voice breaks him out of his thoughts and brings him back to the world around them Bambam is looking at him with something fragile in his face. It’s a moment before Yugyeom realizes that he’s waiting for him to give him a return story. Equal exchange. 

“I haven’t,” Yugyeom tells him softly, hands fiddling with his phone. “I didn’t- I guess I didn’t really think about it, you know? Before, when I could have. And now it’s- Do you think it’s too late to do that? To kiss somebody?”

He can’t look up. He can’t look at him and see what he’s thinking. It seems like too much for him to try and do right now, and he’s afraid Bambam is going to say yes, but he’s afraid he’ll say no too. Because then Yugyeom will have to ask him how and he doesn’t think he can do it. He can’t just ask someone like Bambam did. He’d combust. 

“Does it have to be a girl?” he hears instead. 

Yugyeom looks up, startled. Bambam looks serious, but helpful, with the splash of pink falling into his eyes now that there’s no product to hold it up. He looks soft, and kind and Yugyeom doesn’t know what to say. He opens his mouth, mostly to see what will come out of it. “I don’t know,” is what he comes up with, which is a stupid thing to say. “I mean- I haven’t really thought about it that much? Honestly, I don’t even know if I want it to be a girl at all.”

A smile tilts the corner of Bambam’s lips and he sits up a little more, scoots a little closer. “Me, then. I’ll kiss you.” He looks pleased with himself, happy that he can help, and Yugyeom’s brain doesn’t seem to be keeping up with the situation. “I’m your hyung, I can help you like Jackson helped me, right? Besides, I’m your best friend, and I’m not gonna let you get left behind.”

That sounds… logical. To Yugyeom, anyway. And who else is he going to kiss? Is there anyone he can think of that he would want to kiss in the first place? (A few people, but if he’s honest with himself, Bambam’s not  _ not _ on that list.) 

“Okay,” he finds himself saying, and Bambam smiles wider and moves a little closer. 

It’s awkward, because Bambam is very small and Yugyeom is tall, but they’re sitting on the bed, at least, and Bambam finally gets up onto his knees to give himself the height advantage. ( _ I’m the  _ hyung, _ Yugyeom, it’s the rules _ . Sounds fake.) He places a hand on Yugyeom’s cheek, tilting his head the way it’s supposed to be. They look at each other for a moment while Bambam leans in. 

“Close your eyes,” he tells him quietly. Yugyeom does. 

Then he feels the first puff of air, warm against his lips. Bambam’s lips are soft and plush and steal the breath right out of his body. He didn’t know it was going to be like  _ this _ to kiss someone and he already kind of regrets it because what if Bambam only wanted to do it this one time? How is he going to get over that? How is he going to deal with never getting to kiss him again?

Then his lips shift just a bit and he presses a little closer and Yugyeom doesn’t know what he’s supposed to be doing, but it feels like he should be doing something too, not just sitting here. He presses up just a little, shifts his lips too, and it feels like they’re melting into one another. 

All too suddenly, he’s pulling away, and the kiss was short, Yugyeom knows it was short, but he’s short of breath now and his cheeks are flushed and his heart is hammering so hard he can hear the blood rushing in his ears. 

“Was that okay?” Bambam asks finally, and Yugyeom nearly chokes on his laugh. 

“That was amazing,” he tells him, and is pleased with the dusty pink under Bambam’s tan skin when he smiles.

2.

Evidently, Bambam is not a fan of the phrase “Don’t kiss and tell.” It’s been a year since their first kiss, and they haven’t gone further, but they haven’t stopped either. They don’t kiss all the time, because that would be too much, but sometimes when they’re frustrated or tired or scared, Bambam and Yugyeom will find one another’s lips. They’re too scared to really go further, but it helps. 

Still, it makes him nervous when Jackson plucks at the sleeve of his shirt after dance practice before he can follow the others out. 

“Can we talk for a sec?” he asks, his voice as deep as ever and eyes earnest. 

Yugyeom looks over his shoulder to where Bambam and Youngjae are at the door, following the others out. Bambam has this little twist to his lips that usually means trouble as he slings his arm around Youngjae and urges him a little faster, telling him they’ll catch up soon. 

“Is everything okay, hyung?” he asks, nerves spiking a little. So maybe he’s still not over the prank. So what? It was a pretty mean prank. 

Jackson takes a couple steps forward, resting a hand on his arm to try and calm him. “Hey, no, everything’s fine, I just…” He pauses, offers a smile. “I heard Bammie told you about his first kiss.”

All of a sudden, this is worse than a possible prank, because this is absolutely not for cameras, and Yugyeom doesn’t know what to say, or if maybe he wasn’t supposed to kiss Bambam because that was only for Jackson, or  _ anything _ really. Yugyeom doesn’t know anything. “I’m sorry,” he blurts out, but he doesn’t know what for. 

That makes Jackson laugh a little, which is confusing, because he doesn’t sound mad or teasing. He sounds sort of fond. “Why?” he asks, and their fingers lace and Yugyeom doesn’t know when Jackson’s hand slid down his arm, but he’s suddenly aware of the trail of warmth on it. “I heard… about you guys. I thought, maybe…”

He trails off, like Yugyeom is supposed to be able to finish that thought, but he  _ can’t _ . His brain can’t even finish his own thoughts, but less Jackson’s. He stares at him, blinking stupidly. “Maybe what?” he asks finally. 

“Maybe I could kiss you too,” he replies. 

This time, Yugyeom’s brain  _ really _ shuts down and he stares at him for even longer. “What?” he asks breathlessly. 

Thankfully, Jackson seems to take this in stride. He smiles a little, like he understands that Yugyeom is shocked rather than put off. It’s a relief, honestly, because Yugyeom would hate to upset him over a misunderstanding. “I want to know if I can kiss you,” he says again, a little slower. “If you only want to kiss Bambam, that’s okay, but I like you, and I like to kiss people that I like.”

“You like me?” Yugyeom echoes, still not fully processing any of it. 

Jackson grins and a warm hand slips to Yugyeom’s cheek. He’s shorter, but the way he’s looking at him is making him feel small and young in a way that isn’t necessarily bad. “I like all our members,” he assures him. 

That takes him in another direction. (One he will later find out is incorrect.) Maybe Jackson just likes to kiss people, and he likes him like a friend, and he likes to kiss his friends. Maybe things are more different in Hong Kong than he thought. Maybe this doesn’t mean anything to Jackson. 

The hand on his cheek is soft and it’s not leading him anywhere, but it makes him feel comfortable enough to lean down just a little. “Okay,” he says finally. 

The smile it puts on Jackson’s face is enough that, if he was thinking about regretting it, it’s washed away now. He looks so happy, so pleased to have this little, specific contact that Yugyeom is happy to give it. 

The hand on his cheek pulls him gently into place and Yugyeom’s eyes fall closed naturally this time, because he’s kissed before now and he knows what to do. 

Jackson doesn’t kiss anything like Bambam, like he’s got something to prove. It’s not clumsy and fumbling like he and the younger boy usually are. It’s safe and sweet. Jackson’s lips aren’t as plush as Bambam’s, but they’re soft and they steal his breath away just as much. The thumb against his cheek swipes over the bone comfortingly and Yugyeom feels like he could melt right here. 

When Jackson moves back, Yugyeom feels himself tilt forward before he thinks about it, chasing that softness, that sweetness, and halting when the hand on his cheek holds him back and a soft chuckle breaks him out of it. He blinks back to the world around them and looks at his hyung. 

“Good?” he asks. 

Yugyeom nods quickly, and is pleased that it doesn’t dislodge the hand on his cheek too much. 

“Good.” He smiles again and darts forward to peck the maknae on the lips once more. “We should go catch up now.” He pulls away finally, gently enough that Yugyeom doesn’t feel awkward about it, but firmly enough that he feels awkward about standing still in the middle of the room. “And Yugyeom? You can kiss me any time you want, okay?”

He nods quickly and resists the urge to touch his lips.

3.

“ _You’ve been kissing the maknaes_?” 

Yugyeom stops what he’s doing, freezing in place where he’s going through his skin care routine. The bathroom door is closed, because he just came out of the shower, but it does nothing to muffle the incredulous shout from their leader. It does, however, hide him and give him a good way to eavesdrop. 

“Just Bambam and Yugyeom,” Jackson replies defensively.

“And Mark-hyung,” Jaebeom insists. “And Jinyoung.”

Yugyeom flushes some. It's been a few months now and the kisses have barely progressed at all. He thinks maybe it's because he's the youngest, but now maybe it's because they're both kissing other people? He wonders, a little vaguely, if everyone is kissing each other like this. Is that normal? Is he the only one who feels his heart ache sometimes? Are any of them dating? Do they know about him? 

“They're not the maknae line,” Jackson says indignantly. “And I haven't done anything with the younger ones besides closed mouth kisses.”

Well, that answers one question. Yes, it is because he's the youngest. Good thing he and Bambam haven't talked to anyone about the few times they've gotten a little more hot and heavy, exploring with tongues and hands and lips. Nothing too extreme, but it makes Yugyeom wake up in the night and creep to the bathroom sometimes, hope no one notices the awkward way he's walking. 

His hyungs have gotten quieter, still the murmur of agitated voices, but they seem to have noticed how loud they were being. Yugyeom finishes up quickly and ducks out. He hesitates in his doorway when he sees Youngjae sitting on Bambam's bed, hugging a pillow and looking heartbreakingly dejected. 

“Jae?” He asks softly. 

He looks up, then away, which pulls Yugyeom to him like a magnet. He's the youngest, and he's a mess, and he knows he's a little more wild than he should be sometimes, but he still has this inherent need to make sure everyone is okay. He takes a seat beside him, trying to discern what's wrong from the way his fringe covers one eye and his arms squeeze the pillow. 

“Are you and Jackson-hyung dating?” His voice is small, and scared, and Yugyeom almost misses it. 

Once he catches the question, however, he sits bolt upright. “What? No. It's just kissing, Youngjae-hyung, we aren't allowed to date.” He would love to date Jackson, or Bambam, or any of the members really. Sometimes he wonders if it would go away if he stopped, but he's never kissed Mark and his heart still flutters when he reaches for his hand, so that's probably not the case. 

“Why?”

The question halts him. “Why what?”

“Why him?” Youngjae presses, but curls in on himself as he glances up. “Why you?”

_ Why not me? _

He understands now. He understands because he was here not that long ago, in the grand scheme of things. 

A sigh breaks free and Yugyeom drags a hand down his face. “I think because… I was scared and I talked to Bambam. I was scared I would never get to have a first kiss, so he gave me one, and then he told Jackson and maybe he thought it would be okay to kiss me too.”

“Was it okay?” Youngjae asks, looking a little less crumbled. 

He nods and slips a little closer, slides his arm around his back. “Yeah. I think he just likes to kiss people, but he doesn't want anyone to feel used or anything.” He doesn't mention how it makes his heart hammer. He just pulls Youngjae in. 

“Would it be okay with me too?” 

The words are fragile, the thin shell of an egg ready to shatter at the slightest wrong pressure. Yugyeom looks down at him and he looks as pretty as ever and it's distant when his brain reminds him how Bambam and Jackson stole his breath away. It's distant when the little voice asks him if he's going to give that same breath away to Youngjae.

He doesn’t answer him in words, but he does lean down a little, his heart beating fast and his face burning. Youngjae looks hesitant, but hopeful. He doesn’t move in the least until Yugyeom’s breath is ghosting across his lips. 

He offers it to him. Youngjae takes it. 

His arms finally let the pillow go and he grips Yugyeom’s shirt instead and pulls him a little closer. The maknae goes willingly, turning toward him and slipping a hand to his cheek. When they pull apart, Yugyeom thinks maybe he stole Youngjae’s breath too. That’s nice, because he gave his away, but he wishes he knew where he’d put it. 

“Was that okay?” he asks, voice soft but no longer fragile. The nerves remain, but the fear is gone. Yugyeom can work with that.

“Definitely okay,” he nods, pecking his lips once more the way Jackson likes to do and feeling his heart do acrobatics that would make Jackson and Mark proud when Youngjae’s face turned pink. 

4.

Jaebaeom doesn’t talk to him that day. He’s suspiciously quiet the next day too, which makes Yugyeom nervous, to say the least. Jackson isn’t himself either, more withdrawn and irritable. He is pointedly not talking to Jaebeom. It sets the whole band on edge. 

For about a day, Youngjae seems happier than usual, a little more snuggly, but gradually, his sunshine dims too and after a week, the maknae line have all retreated from their hyungs nervously. Somehow, this makes the leader even more sulky, which in turn makes Jackson snappish, and baffles Mark and Jinyoung to no end. 

A week after that, Yugyeom overhears a hissed conversation, just the tail end, and he doesn’t have time after hearing it before he rounds the corner into the kitchen. Inside, Jaebeom is leaned against the counter, arms folded and eyes down with Jinyoung looking like he was absolutely not done with whatever scolding he was giving. 

“Sorry,” he mumbles, backpedaling as quickly as he can. His shoulder catches the doorway and turns him toward the hall and he isn’t proud of how he flees, but he doesn’t stop even when he hears Jinyoung hissing out  _ Fix it _ . He didn’t need water that badly anyway, right?

Before he gets to his room, a hand catches on his elbow and he comes to a grinding halt. When he peeks over his shoulder, Jaebeom is standing there, looking upset, but not angry. His jaw isn’t doing the thing they all poke fun at him for, but his eyes are dark and his brow is tight. “Yugyeom,” he says, voice ominously soft and worryingly gentle. 

“I’m sorry,” he says on reflex, but he doesn’t know what for. Kissing his members maybe? They probably shouldn’t have been doing it. He knows that. He’s especially sure of it now that it’s out and Jaebeom is angry. 

He blows out a breath, like he’s not prepared for this conversation he’s about to force himself to have, and then the hand still gripping Yugyeom’s arm slips down to his wrist and he pulls him to his own room. The door closes behind them and Yugyeom feels trapped and afraid. 

Jaebeom sits at his desk, hands folded and eyes on his fingers. “Are you okay?” he asks finally. 

“What?” That’s not the start he was bracing for. 

The older of them looks up. “Are you okay? I know I’ve been kind of a dick for a while now, and the fight with Jackson has set everyone on edge, but you three especially. Are you okay?”

There’s more to it, and Yugyeom knows, so he nods and he waits. 

“And are you okay with- with what you’ve been doing with Jackson?”

There it is. 

Yugyeom swallows hard, looking away from him and fidgeting restlessly. “Jackson-hyung has never done anything I wasn’t okay with,” he assures him, and it feels weird to have to let someone know that. Everyone should know that. It’s an inherent part of knowing Jackson. “Nobody has ever done anything I wasn’t okay with. And it’s not the end of the world, hyung. We’re kissing, not-” He can’t finish the sentence. It was too sassy for the tone right now and he can’t just come right out and say the word  _ fucking _ in the middle of this. 

After a beat of silence, Jaebeom’s surprised voice asks, “Who else?”

He flicks a glance up. Some of the tension has melted away, for some reason, and while Yugyeom doesn’t understand why, he does understand that it’s good. “Bambam,” he tells him readily, because how could it  _ not _ be Bambam? “And Youngjae.”

Jaebeom drags a hand down his face, blowing out a sigh that sounds almost relieved. “Are all of you dating in secret and no one thought they needed to tell me too?” It’s grumpy. Grumpy is good. Grumpy isn’t angry. 

Still, Yugyeom feels his whole body heat up. “We’re not- we’re not dating, hyung. It’s um- I don’t think anybody has, you know… feelings and stuff. Or nobody told me, anyway.”

This makes Jaebeom’s eyes narrow slightly, his head incline just a little. “And is  _ that _ okay with you?” 

He hates his own hesitation, but he can’t stop it. “Yeah. It’s okay. I mean - We aren’t allowed to date anyway, right? So it’s fine. It’s okay.”

The dead air in the room makes a valiant return. They don’t speak for several moments. Jaebeom breaks it finally. “Yugyeom, if you don’t want to kiss someone, you never have to. You know that don’t you? And if you don’t want to kiss them because you don’t feel something for them, you don’t have to. Just because you’re the maknae and they told-”

“I didn’t say I don’t feel anything for them,” he interrupts, unable to hear the  _ just say no _ talk from him. Not now. Not about this, especially. He wished he had come up with something better to say, though, because now it kind of feels like he admitted his feelings without much of a fight, and to the wrong person, and his heart is beating fast, and he can’t think quite as straightforward as he wants to, and he wishes very, very sincerely that this wasn’t happening. 

“Oh,” is all Jaebeom comes back with. 

More dead air. 

Yugyeom wants to crawl into the center of the earth and burn up, go cataclysmic at this point. It wouldn’t be as much of a disaster. 

“Maybe you should talk to Jackson, then, at least,” he says carefully. “Because I don’t think he would like knowing that you think there are no feelings involved.” Yugyeom’s head shoots up and he goes on. “It’s Jackson, Gyeomie. It’s- Did you really think he would be involved with anything if it wasn’t wholehearted? Do you think he would give you anything without giving you all of it?”

His lips press together and his heart swells so much it aches. He has tears in his eyes without knowing why. “I- I don’t know. I just- I didn’t think about it a lot at first, I guess, and now I- I don’t know, hyung, it’s not how I thought it would be.”

In an instant, Jaebeom is on his feet and crossing the room, wrapping an arm around their giant maknae and guiding him to the bed where they can both sit. He hadn’t even thought about the fact that he’d been standing the whole time. “How did you think it would be, Gyeomie?” he asks softly, but the tension is back and he hates it. 

“I don’t know. I thought- I thought I could just kiss them and it wouldn’t matter. That happens all the time, but it  _ does _ matter, and sometimes I think maybe something is wrong with me? Because I want to kiss all of them, all the time, and I want to do other stuff, and I want to go on dates, but not with- not with one person, with all of them and sometimes you’ll all just do something and my heart will beat so fast and it almost hurts, but it feels good and I don’t-”

“Gyeomie,” Jaebeom interrupts. It forces him to stop, the authority in his voice, and it allows him to take a breath he didn’t know he hadn’t taken. “Gyeomie, it’s okay to like lots of people. It’s okay to be full of love like that.”

“It’s too many,” he argues. “It’s too much. Something is wrong.”

“It’s  _ not _ ,” the older insists, hand rubbing soothing circles on his back. “It’s normal, it’s fine. Look at Jackson, head over heels for just about everyone. It’s normal and fine and okay. Three people isn’t too many-”

“It’s not  _ three _ ,” Yugyeom confesses, and he’s not even sure he knew that before he said it, but his heart has taken over for his brain and now he’s just along for the ride. “It’s  _ six _ , that’s too many hyung. I shouldn’t be like this, I think, right? This isn’t- It can’t work, because not everyone will be like this too, and we have work and everything is going to fall apart if it falls apart with one, but I can’t stop, I tried. I don’t know how to stop liking everyone, and I know you’re my hyungs, and I love you so much, but I love you a different way than you love me and I know you won’t-”

His lips stop moving when they meet someone else’s, and his heart soars before his brain kicks back on. It’s been out for a few minutes now, and the slow start means that before it catches up, he’s closed his eyes and pressed forward into it. He’s not clumsy anymore, not new to this, but he still lets the other lead. 

Finally, he realizes what’s happening, who’s in front of him, exactly what he’s just done. It’s Jaebeom kissing him, to quiet him in the middle of what was the most frantic and messy confession of his life. A confession that  _ included _ him, and based on the lips against his own, he’s sure Jaebeom didn’t miss that part. 

Yugyeom’s heart was already hammering when they sat down and the cadence has lost itself completely by now. He doesn’t know how long their lips are pressed together for, but he does know that Jaebeom presses closer and closer until he pushes him down onto his back and it sends a thrill up his spine. He knows that his own hands come up and hold onto his face while their lips shift against one another. He knows that he opens his mouth and takes a shaky breath because none of the people he’s kissed before have stolen it quite as literally as Jaebeom has. 

When they finally part, Jaebeom looks down at him with dark eyes that are as soft as his voice when he tells him, “I like you too, Yugyeomie. And it’s okay to like that many people. Sometimes it works out. I’m scared too, but if we don’t try to make it work, it definitely won’t.” He pauses, waits for Yugyeom to reply. He doesn’t. “Do you want to try to make it work?”

Yugyeom nods. 

Jaebeom smiles. 

He doesn’t think it’s fair for him to steal his breath away like that  _ twice _ .

5.

After the talk Yugyeom had with Jaebeom, things get easier again. Mostly because it opened a lot of communication they’d been lacking in. Yugyeom talks to Jackson, who is dumbstruck and a little hurt, it seems, by the fact that Yugyeom didn’t  _ know _ that his affection came with his heart. He talks to Youngjae, who flushes brightly and tells him that’s a relief because he didn’t know how to bring it up. He talks to Bambam, who laughs at him and then pushes him down to the bed and tells him to prove how much he likes him. 

Things after that are easier, not perfect, but easier. At the very least, all of them are a lot more open. Affection in the dorm is more open. Yugyeom knows that Mark and Jinyoung aren’t separate from all of them, just from the maknae line, which is extremely annoying, to say the least. Mostly because of how much Yugyeom  _ wants _ . 

He isn’t sure he knows how to get, though. He doesn’t exactly have any experience in it. And the remaining two pieces of his heart are what feels like the hardest to approach about it. Promotions and comebacks stop him from acting on anything for a while, stop him from thinking about it. Then, his birthday comes and goes and Hit The Stage is coming up, and he’s full of nerves about that and he can’t think of new partners when he’s working his ass off day and night. 

It’s one of those nights, when his whole body is sore and he’s so exhausted he’s not even sure he’s going to make it back to the dorms anymore. One of the nights where he’s danced in front of the mirror for so long he doesn’t feel like he knows what he looks like anymore. A night where his clothes are as wet with sweat as his skin and his hair is matted down and he looks and smells and  _ feels _ like garbage. 

The door opens and Jinyoung’s face peeks inside. “Gyeomie?” he calls softly, as though he isn’t looking right at him. 

“Yeah, hyung?” he asks, clearing his throat before going for a bottle of water. Empty. The next one too. He sighs and sits down before he falls down. 

Jinyoung’s steps feel loud in the studio as they cross the room and he taps the stereo system to turn it off, takes a seat beside him. A bottle of water is pushed into his hand. Yugyeom takes it with a murmured thanks and then destroys it, unable to help pouring some over his head to cool his overheated body. 

“You need to rest,” Jinyoung tells him firmly. “All the practice in the world won’t matter if your body is too hurt to perform.”

“I know,” he replies without much fire. He knows he should shoot back at him, that’s what he does. That’s how they work. His ever-endless stores of energy are running dry for once, though. Eaten up by practice and nerves and worry. 

Jinyoung waits for a moment, letting him have time to fire back, as he always does. It’s something Yugyeom has always appreciated, part of what made the little flutter of interest that had turned to crush burn into real love over a few years. When Yugyeom doesn’t give him the fight he expects, he can practically feel the frown on his face and then Jinyoung is standing up and reaching to pull Yugyeom to his feet. 

The maknae whines. Everything hurts and his body is exhausted. He’s not going to make it home, he could just sleep here, why is he doing this? Jinyoung doesn’t listen though, poking and shoving and yanking until he’s on his feet and slinging an arm over his shoulder. 

“Hyung, let me go, I’m gross. I’ll walk on my own,” he protests. 

“Absolutely not,” Jinyoung replies crisply. He grabs the bag on the way out, one arm firmly looped at Yugyeom’s waist as he trudges them toward the door together. “Be a good boy and hit the lights, Yugyeom, we’re going home.”

He tries to argue a little more, but silently now, resisting him like a contrite puppy on a leash, but he doesn’t have the energy or strength to do anything meaningful, so Jinyoung just rolls his eyes and hits the lights himself. 

“Have to do everything for you, don’t I?” he sighs, shaking his head and closing the door, locking up behind them. “Shut up, you don’t get to talk anymore, since you can’t follow one simple instruction. You’re really going to hurt yourself, you know? What happens to Got7 if you hurt yourself?”

“I’ll be fine,” Yugyeom argues, a little heat coming back, because this is not  _ fair _ . He didn’t do anything wrong. Maybe he pushed himself a little too hard, but he doesn’t need this guilt trip. Not now. “Besides, we’ve performed as six before, you could-”

Jinyoung turns a look on him that’s so fierce he knows he’s fucked up before he speaks. “Don’t you  _ ever _ act like we could do without you, Yugyeom. Not ever. Seven or never, remember?” He waits a beat, like Yugyeom will get to reply, but he doesn’t give him enough time and Yugyeom knows full well that it’s on purpose. “Don’t even  _ think _ of what we could actually do if we lost a member, Yugyeom. Just because we can perform as six doesn’t mean we will. And you know how miserable everyone is when Jaebeom hurts his back or when Mark lands wrong. Do you want to make everyone feel like that?” 

“No, hyung, but-”

“ _ No _ buts, absolutely not.”

“Jinyoungie, please,” he whines. He’s too tired for this, couldn’t even keep the little bit of temper he had going. He barely even registered their surroundings until just now, with Jinyoung berating him the whole way here. Now that they’ve arrived at the building, standing in front of the elevator, he blinks and tries to catch up to their surroundings. 

“You’re going to take tomorrow off,” he tells him. 

Yugyeom’s brows shoot up. “ _ What _ ? No, I’m not.”

“You are,” Jinyoung replies. “And you’re going to spend it resting. You’re going upstairs and we’re going to shower and then you’re getting in bed and not getting up until I tell you you can get up.”

“I’m not!” he insists, missing the elevator arriving in his single-minded focus on getting his right to practice back again. Jinyoung’s hands pull and push gently and guide him into the elevator, lean him against the wall while he pushes their floor. 

“Yugyeom,” Jinyoung says seriously, and the tone brings the fight back out of him and this is where Yugyeom is reminded how clever Jinyoung is, how good he is at lying. He was so focused on being scolded, on trying to argue, he barely noticed the walk home. Now, though, the seriousness weighs heavy on him and he feels like he can’t stand under that weight much longer. “Tomorrow, you’re going to stay home, and you’re going to let me take care of you. Okay?” The hard line he’s drawing doesn’t match the soft tone of Jinyoung’s voice. The command doesn’t match the way he ends it like a plea. 

Yugyeom’s heart takes over again, reminding him how fucking in love he is with this man and then opening his mouth for him to say, “Okay.”

Jinyoung nods, turning to give him the barest of smiles, just enough to make the whiskers around his eyes come out. Then the door opens again and Jinyoung is wrapping an arm around him to drag him back out. 

“I can walk on my own, hyung,” he argues, fully aware he sounds like a petulant child. 

Jinyoung hums as he holds him tighter and unlocks the door. “Amazing that you don’t have to anyway, isn’t it? Come on, shower time.”

Yugyeom grumbles as he’s pulled along, catching sight of Jaebeom and Jackson curled up on the couch and watching them, laughing at his  _ obvious _ pain. When they get to the bathroom, Jinyoung pushes him in, then follows and closes the door. 

“I can do it by myself, hyung,” he says hurriedly. 

“And you can fall asleep standing up and slip and crack your head open too. We’ve showered together before, Gyeomie.” He pushes past, starting the water to let it warm up. 

Not since he realized he was in love with all of them, though. The context matters greatly here and Yugyeom knows nothing could happen, because every muscle in his body is protesting the thought of doing anything interesting and he doesn’t think he could have the energy to even have an embarrassing boner. Still, the idea of Jinyoung catching him staring is a horrifying one. 

He turns around and levels Yugyeom with a flat look, then sighs. “I won’t get in and help, okay? I’ll just sit out here and make sure you don’t pass out. How’s that?”

That’s a fair concession, he feels, although he would direly like to have someone wash his hair for him, since his arms feel like they couldn’t possibly reach all the way up to his head right now. Still, he nods and starts to shed his filthy dance clothes. Somehow, he doesn’t share the worry of being naked in front of Jinyoung that he did at the thought of Jinyoung being naked in front of him. Maybe it’s because he doesn’t think Jinyoung could possible care, or maybe it’s because he’s so tired he can’t dredge up the energy to care about anything that’s less than a danger to his life. 

Halfway through getting his clothes off, he tilts dangerously and Jinyoung has to catch him and keep him upright. “Lost balance,” he insists, which Jinyoung eyes him dubiously for. Once in the shower, he lets the hot water run over his body for several long moments before he even remembers he needs to move. By then, though, he doesn’t think he could. 

It takes two minutes of complete stillness and silence for Jinyoung to question, “Gyeomie?” and be answered with a grunt. It takes another thirty seconds for him to twitch the curtain back and check on him to find Yugyeom with his head down, back to the spray that’s heating the ache out of his muscles. All in all, it’s about three minutes before Jinyoung ends up in the shower with him after all. 

“Told you,” he says softly, but it’s fond as his hands rub shampoo into Yugyeom’s hair. “You wash the front, I’ll wash the back, okay?” He repeats and pokes and cajoles until he gets an affirmative and then spends the next ten minutes in the shower directing Yugyeom where he needs to go and what he needs to do. The worry Yugyeom had about being caught staring is drowned in the fact that he can’t focus his eyes anymore. 

Jinyoung turns the water off and grabs a towel to start drying him off, seating him on the toilet while he goes and grabs fresh pajamas. Yugyeom wakes back up when he’s being led to his feet without knowing when he fell asleep. He doesn’t question it at all as he’s pulled to a room and tucked into bed, a body wrapped snugly around him. He doesn’t remember falling asleep this time either. 

When he wakes again, his whole body feels like one giant, continuous cramp. He’s as comfortable as he feels is possible in a situation like this, but he’s afraid to move and find new, exciting ways for his body to hurt. 

He’s curled up against someone, which he would usually assume is Jaebeom or Jackson, but given what he remembers before exhaustion wiped his memory, he assumes it’s Jinyoung. He's playing with his hair and letting him tuck his face into their neck. It feels nice. Safe. Comfortable. 

He shifts just a little, trying to ease some of the cramping in his legs, but it brings up a charlie horse that makes him groan and start to roll. 

“Ah, you’re awake,” Jinyoung says, reaching over him and then forcing him to sit up. 

Yugyeom’s eyes are barely open when a bottle of water it pressed to his lips and tipped. It’s drink or die, and he’s not going to die until he at least performs on Hit The Stage, so he gulps it down. 

It helps clear his head some, though, and eases the cramps all over his body. 

“It’s almost like you should be drinking water when you’re practicing,” Jinyoung teases, putting the bottle back and then pulling Yugyeom back down with him. 

He feels like he should argue, for the sake of arguing, or for pride. He doesn’t want to, though. Jinyoung is comfortable and he doesn’t get to lay with him like this often. Also, his body still hurts and as much as he doesn’t want to admit it, Jinyoung is right. He needs a rest day. He’ll never tell anyone this wasn’t Jinyoung forcing it on him, though, because it  _ is _ . 

“Thanks, Jinyoungie,” he murmurs, tucking his face back up into the other’s neck. He’s a little too long for the bed this way, and it’s not quite big enough for two grown men, but that’s never stopped anyone in Got7 before and it won’t stop them now. 

“Will you listen to me from now on, then?”

He smiles against the skin where his lips rest. “No.”

“Brat.”

A grin and a soft puff of laughter pass his lips and Jinyoung pulls away, looking down at him with a hand still in his hair. Yugyeom looks up, comfortable and content where he lays. Jinyoung has his phone in his other hand, but his attention is on the man lying against him. 

“I love you,” Yugyeom mumbles, and he knows Jinyoung won’t say it back, because he has trouble saying things like that. He always has, and he won’t admit it, but sharing real feelings is hard for him. And even if he did, he wouldn’t mean it like Yugyeom means it. 

As predicted, Jinyoung doesn’t say it back. He stares at him for a few long moments, then shifts his hand to hold the back of Yugyeom’s head rather than just his hair. He leans down, creeping closer and when Yugyeom’s breath catches, that’s when it happens. 

Their lips seal together warmly and the phone drops to the bed. It’s slow and soft. Jinyoung kisses him carefully, like he worries he might be taking something he wasn’t offered. Yugyeom replies in kind, mostly because he’s only just woken up and he’s still tired and achey from the day before. He finds just enough strength in his arms to push himself up and meet him on level ground. 

When they pull away, after what seems like forever but not nearly enough forever for Yugyeom, they both open their eyes and look at one another. 

“You don’t have to kiss me, if you don’t want to,” Jinyoung assures him. 

“But I can if I do want to?”

Jinyoung laughs a little and the whiskers around his eyes beckon Yugyeom forward again for more.

6.

The day of the final comes too fast, far too fast for Yugyeom to keep up. There’s never enough time to practice, there’s never enough to be done. Is the routine good enough? Is his crew ready? Are his moves tight enough? Should he have chosen different music? 

It’s too late now. The performance is happening in less than an hour. His make up iss done, all the practicing finished, they’re waiting on stage set up to be finished. There’s nothing left to do. Not that he doesn’t  _ find _ something to do, practicing moves in the hallway with headphones on and his eyes closed. 

When warm fingers touch his arm, he jumps and looks around him wildly. It takes him a moment to see Mark and when he does, he plucks one headphone out carefully. “Yeah, hyung?” he asks, throat dry. He’s pretty sure no one is supposed to be back here aside from the dancers and the show crew. He’s still grateful to see him. 

Mark’s thin fingers cup his jaw, pulling him down gently and placing a soft peck on his lips. Yugyeom doesn’t have time to close his eyes, doesn’t have a chance to catch up to what’s happening before Mark is pulling away again. “You’re gonna do, great, Yugyeomie,” he says softly, holding the maknae close to his face and offering him the softest of smiles. “Win for us, okay?”

He can feel his mouth hanging open stupidly, feel that dumbstruck look on his own features. He can barely nod and it only seems to make the man’s grin grow. 

Mark leans in once more, catching his lips in a kiss a little longer, long enough for Yugyeom to close his eyes and sink into it. The tension and fear feels like it slips out, anxiety stolen away from him as easily as the breath they all seemed to take from him. 

“Yugyeom, fighting!” Mark laughs softly against his lips and then he pulls away. 

“Mark-hyung?” he asks, looking startled as he moves away. 

Mark beams at him, winks. “We’ll talk after you win, huh? Let’s see you roll those hips for me in the routine, hm?”

Yugyeom’s whole body tightens again. His eyes widen. He has five boyfriends and  _ this _ is the member who comes to kiss him good luck? How is he supposed to focus  _ now _ ? 

Only it turns out a little lack of focus is what he needs. He gets through the dance and berates himself for every tiny possible mistake until the moment the winner is announced, at which point he finds himself screaming, cheering, running. 

The rest of the night is a bit of a blur. The members that managed to come wrap him in hugs, friends both idol and not scream congratulations. He’s too hyped to drink for celebration, but someone pushes a drink into his hand and when he takes a sip, cold chocolate makes him laugh. 

When they finally get back to the dorm, after hugs and friends and shrieking, they order his favorite pizza and his members dogpile him with kisses and hugs and affection. He resurfaces from the attack and the giggles to see Mark beside him with mirth in his eyes, so happy they’re nearly closed with the force of his smile. His smile grows wider as he leans in and Yugyeom doesn’t move away. 

There’s a moment of panic when Mark catches his lips because it’s the first time this has happened with an audience, but he forgets in an instant. He melts against him, pressing closer and trying to breathe him in since he took what his lungs had before. A hand finds his cheek, pulling him in a little more and guiding him closer and Yugyeom doesn’t hesitate to comply with it. The world has stopped. Everything has gone silent. His heart is beating in his ears and Mark is the only person in the room. 

Then the knock on the door startles him enough that he jumps and jerks away. Then it’s not silent at all, and no one is really even looking at them, giving them a moment of privacy. No one aside from Youngjae waiting patiently for them to part before he answers the door. He gives them a smile as Yugyeom’s face flushes and then turns the handle. 

Mark doesn’t hesitate to crawl a little closer, pressing in against his side. “Congratulations, Yugyeomie,” he mumbles. When the door closes again, Mark leans in again and catches his lips. 

The kiss lasts only a few moments before Jackson drags him back by the collar, chastising, “Yah! Don’t hog him just because  _ you _ had to wait until tonight to catch up with the rest of us.” He gives him a soft shove, only to have Mark wrap an arm around his waist and toss him roughly onto the couch for an impromptu wrestling match. 

On his other side, Bambam collapses beside him and leans over to snag a kiss of his own. Yugyeom smiles at him brightly and then pulls him closer. “Love you,” he says quietly. 

Bambam’s nose wrinkles but he throws his thin legs over Yugyeom’s lap. “Gross. I’ll let it slide because you’re a champ, but don’t let me catch you being like this again.”

“Fuck off, you love it,” he laughs. On his other side, Jinyoung takes his seat and hands him a plate with pizza on it, as though Yugyeom needs a plate. He takes the slice without it and smirks at the sideeye he gets from it. “Love you, Jinyoungie,” he tells him. 

“Love you,  _ hyung _ ,” he corrects, leaning over to kiss him as well. “And me too.”

**Author's Note:**

> Come yell at me on twitter and curiouscat! @6uglyguysandjae


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